Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
