thus making me awesome and them whores
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
