My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
