Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
