Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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