FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
