its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
