if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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