If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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