I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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