I wish you could order shots online.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
