What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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