Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
