and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
