i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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