i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
