I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
