OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So much rum. So many feels.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
