At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
