still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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