Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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