so that wasnt chicken after all
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
