Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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