If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
