Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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