please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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