I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The power of my boobs compel you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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