my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
