the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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