wrigley field is MILF paradise
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
