Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
