make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
