When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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