no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
