swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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