Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
