I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
