I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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