Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
