The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
