dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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