I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
