Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
