Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
