Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
