so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm too high and old for this...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
