Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
