Don't make out with my wife yet
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
