Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My life is pants optional.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
