"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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