i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my poor anus
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
