the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
